stupid

Samantha

There was once a man by the name of Reimond Day. He and the Day Vanguard had slain The Lichdragon, while the Brunian masses had torn apart The Necromancer. Having no leader, Reimond accepted the throne. He sat, and he sat, and he sat. Truly, a lifetime of minor idolatry was sufficient recompense for the dissolution of tyranny. Truly.

There is a woman by the name of Samantha Day. Samantha Day is sitting tied up in the back of a wagon, en route to Northpoint Academy, which is more central-east than north, and more of a rectangle than a point. She is being punished because she momentarily lost her composure after her brother Quincy killed himself. This was after 2 years of working away from him at the Vanguard Guild in Felkner, and 3 months of his being dead. Clearly, a malevolent spirit had apparated within her. Upon being depossessed, she had asserted that she didn’t care and wasn’t thinking about him and he didn’t matter and she’d dip her head in holy water and she’d pay for the damages and it was fine and it was fine and she was fine and and.

Everyone was stupid. Grampa. Holstram. Libri.

Quincy was stupid for killing himself, and everyone was stupid for thinking she was like him. He could’ve stayed in Penbarrow forever, doing nothing, or helping assemble ovens, or finding novel ways to use magic. He always enjoyed novel magic…

Lionel was stupid for overreacting to his wrecked home. For one, his house was bad. Natural causes were bound to destroy the entire neighbourhood, they were all so weak and flimsy. He could easily get something better. But no, it was close to the Felkner Vanguard Guild, and that was all he cared about. What an empty life.

Anisa was stupid for generally hating everything Samantha said. Yes Anisa, I get it, I’m a reckless, soulless, evil person, because I thought it was a bit funny when Quincy set the foyer on fire, or dropped rats from the ceiling on dad. Yes, I get it, you want the Vanguard under your thumb because some fraction of them are unhinged, destructive abominations, perhaps even moreso than I. Yes, you’d rather I kill myself too, so there’s no Samantha to get in the way of Weathers running the Guild, because Weathers is oh-so under-your-thumbable. But, you moron, you’re not judging Samantha’s suggestions, you’re judging her alleged character! My. A bridge in the north would allow for more crime from Blueadder to Stonegrove, yes, but that’s why we station more guards up there, to kill the crimedoers. Good idea! And you ignore it because it comes from Her Stupidity Princess Samantha Sarah Day, 20th in line to the throne, of Brune, give or take 20. Maybe 19th, now that Quincy Stupid-Stupid Day the Stupid was stupid dead and probably in stupid hell where all the stupid dead people go.

She had a list of others who were stupid — Weathers, Joan, Verris — but she found monologuing was depalpifying her anger. Strange, she’d think it’d invigorate it.

Oh, but there was Roe. Roe, the mute driver. Roe, the fake mute driver, who her two horses merely tolerated, for her stupid-stable-stink outstunk theirs, but they talked behind her back about how they would tear into her one day, when she’d given them their last subpar apple, they’d chew off her stupid pretty scarf and trample her to death in the hay. Her last straw.

Roe was stupid for driving tied-up Samantha — (tied up by Jerry and someone else, she forgot his name, but they were both stupid) — to Center-east-rectangle, wasting two weeks of Roe life going back and forth, ignoring the yelling and the crying and the screaming…

“Turn around, Roe, Roe, Roe, when I get back you’re out of the guild! Roe I can execute people Roe, I’m a princess, I have the power to do that, Roe, I don’t want to go to Northpoint, I want to stay in Felkner, I’m okay now Roe, I’m okay. You don’t have to listen to Anisa, Roe, Anisa is stupid, you’re not stupid, Roe, please. Please. I’ll be better, Roe, please believe me, please, please.”

Roe had been authorized to gag her. She was at that weird level of stupid where she was both too stupid to turn around and too stupid to gag her.

Based on a very, very rough estimate of the winter sun, it had been 20 minutes, so perhaps Roe’s patience would melt with time. Though, if Samantha had been Roe, Samantha knew Samantha-Roe would’ve given up and turned around after being subsumed by Samantha-Samantha’s righteous indignation after only 10 minutes. Which is saying something, because Samantha-Roe née Samantha had such high pain tolerance from all her burns and faceplants and accidental stabs…

…Oh, no, that was a cloud, not the sun. Sun was still where it was. She could still see Felkner. Maybe it’d been more like 7 minutes.